LOLSew: Impractical Edition

I love everything about sewing patterns- the awkward poses, the ambiguous illustrations, the unnecessary ruffles. And let me tell you, I’ll be the first to squee when I see a pattern for a 50s “playsuit”. That said, I can’t be the only one to question- where does one wear a shorts/bra combination (of course, not all of us are lucky enough to walk the red carpet at the VMAs)?

I am very much a practical sewer. I want to make things that I can wear over and over in any situation. I don’t understand the “office to evening” transition that magazines keep trying to explain to me (which often includes the simple, yet practical advice “take off your blazer”). I’ve worn the same outfit plenty of times in a faculty meeting and out to West Hollywood on a weekend.

I realize there are certain class, race, and age privileges that allow me to get away with many things I wear in certain settings.  But tell me: where does one wear this??

Image of vintage sewing pattern New Look 6721 with blazer, culottes, cropped bra top and skirt

New Look 6721

Ok- I could see a 19-year-old rocking the bra/skirt combo at a SXSW show. And oh my god, do I love the idea of the clock striking 5:30 and a woman storming out of her office, whipping off her boxy blazer and shaking out her tight Palin bun for HAPPY HOURRRR. Maybe it’s B-cup envy, but unless it contains an underwire or is used for sweaty purposes, it is not a bra for me.

I’m not even sure if it’s necessary to comment on this one:

Image of Simplicity sewing pattern 1709 with tailgating accessories, including beer holster, covers for chair and cooler

Simplicity 1709

First of all: let us commend the man in the picture who wears a 12-can “bandolier” lovingly crafted by a special person in his life (commend him equally if he hypothetically made it himself). We’re talking practicality here, though: one cannot just walk through security at a Cowboys game with a fucking beer holster on. “But there’s a thing called tailgating!” you say—YES BUT WHEN ONE IS TAILGATING, ONE HAS A COOLER IN WHICH TO STORE BEER, NOT FLEECE.

And the cape trend: so glamorously vintage in images so…turtley in real life .

Image of vintage sewing pattern Simplicity 7262 with three women wearing a large cape, one holding an umbrella

Simplicity 7262

I love the woman holding the umbrella with a limp arm.

I hope this post doesn’t come across as condescending. I love clothes, but I hate “fashion” because it’s so arbitrary and snobby. I have worn my share of gaudy and unpractical garments– I still have my poncho circa 2004, even though I could never figure out if I put my purse on the inside or outside (this probably explains my wariness of capes). Nevertheless, I truly believe everyone should sew or wear whatever they want, whether it’s Uggs and sweats or stilettos and a leather skirt, and not worry about whether or not it’s “on trend” (shudder). I love having a sense of humor about what I wear.

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2 responses

  1. That top one? They wear it for a guest appearance on Love Boat as they woo Captain Stubing while hiding their dark past.
    Hmm- what is lower on the m ale model status scale? Soft porn or Simplicity craft jobs?
    I can totally see myself in the pup tent cape sauntering around work talking about my rich boyfriend with the pallazo…….thanks for this post- I really enjoyed it!!!

    Like

  2. Pattern Models: bless their heart. I’m glad you liked the post- I’ve got plenty of crazy sewing patterns up my sleeve. I’m sure I’ll share more soon.

    Like

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